In Memoriam — Leslie Trent

Leslie Trent was kind.

She was caring, sweet, fun and adoring. She was a brilliant, curious seeker. She was chic. She was a free spirit, a woman who lived for the day, “I’m an existentialist, darling” her familiar turn of phrase. Above all, Leslie Trent was an amazing Mother, Grandmother, Mother-In-Law, and friend. But before all of that, she was a daughter.

Mom grew up on Long Island, daughter or my dear Grandparents Frank and Estelle Trent. And boy, was she dotted upon by my Grandparents. When I was young, I’d always hear wonderful stories about how Mom was spoiled to the hilt by Grandpa, almost comically so, and how he’d do everything he could to protect her. Which was not always easy given her, let’s just say “independent nature,” even at a young age. And their task didn’t get any easier as Mom matured into a high schooler.

As everyone knows.…my mother was an ethereal stunner. This isn’t hyperbolic, my Mom could literally stop traffic with her Heburn-esque looks. There’s a photo of her on a random rooftop in NYC, back lit, taken by some apparently famous Italian photographer (never did get the full story there) that might as well be a Gucci add. I always try to picture her in high school, a tall, skinny gorgeous young woman surrounded by adoring friends and adolescent teen boys, oy. She loved her time at Jones Beach and Wantagh High, and it’s become clear to me how many from her high school friends loved her, as many have reached out to me the past few weeks. She certainly made a lasting impression, even 60 years ago.

With that beauty came a sense of ease in society, because frankly people wanted to give things to someone who looked like her. And she certainly enjoyed the finer things, which led her to feel at ease in fashion and the nightlife of New York. And this suited a part of her personality. She was as comfortable at backstage at the Concert for Bangladesh, as she was at a runway in Paris, or on the dance floor of Studio 57. She did all of that. Mom was cool as hell.

But a simple story of an externally beautiful woman would very much undermine the amazing full picture of who my mother was. Because mom was also brilliant. And I don’t use that term loosely. While growing up, I discovered a closet full of textbooks that Mom kept from HS and college. I’d often look through these books…Voltaire, Lord Byron, Shakespeare, Nietzsche…all which contained copious and detailed notes of passages that she found interesting. Mom was an intellectual and loved to engage in real conversation and debate. She always wanted to evolve.

So you’d think that with both her looks and intelligence that Mom would have airs, a sense of superiority. But that was the farthest from who she was. Quite the contrary, my Mother never judged anyone, ever. She was completely down to Earth. For all of her sophistication, her exposure to the highest ends of society, fashion and culture, she was comfortable at a backyard BBQ as she was at the runway in Milan. One of the last videos we have of Mom was tossing cornhole with us, beer in hand, happy as can be.

My parents were divorced when I was an infant, so I was raised by a single Mother. And while my Grandparents did an enormous amount to help, it was Mom’s job to raise me, and I have certainly come to appreciate since then how challenging a job it was. But she pulled it off. She’d take me around NYC to great restaurants, parks and museums. My high school friend recalled how Mom and I used to watch 80’s TV together…Moonlighting, Miami Vice and such. We’d listen to vinyl records of Carol King and dance to Donna Summer. She taught me how to cook, particularly breakfast, which I later found to be a bit self-serving as this was her favorite meal of the day and soon enough Sunday Brunch became one of my full responsibilities. We’d play Jeopardy together and she’d always amaze me by getting all of the correct answers on any category regarding literature or philosophy. And she’d make me watch old movies like “Now Voyager”. I remember she cried at Bette Davis’ closing line “Oh Jerry, don’t let’s ask for the Moon, we have the stars”. Well, I was 14, so didn’t quite get it. But it didn’t matter, I was spending time with Mom, and I was happy to do so

Then it came time for me to be my own independent person, and I went off to college. I’ll never forget her bravely sending me away, trying to contain her tears. In fairly short order I moved out to LA and gave birth to two amazing children. And, as Laura will tell you, Mom was the best Mother-in-Law. She was always supportive, and never judgmental (even though I’ll say she never had a reason to be).

Mom was there for the birth of both boys in California. When we moved back to NY, she was at every recital, every play, every game, and both graduations. She was just always there. A doting proud grandma. The boys were prodigies to her.

I’ll share a fun story from that time…Laura and I went to France for our 10yr anniversary. The boys were 7 and 4, and Laura, who is highly detail oriented, provided a full list of daily foods, activities, and sleep times that Mom was… encouraged to adhere to. Many years later, Mom admitted to Laura that while she appreciated Laura’s incredible itinerary and game plan, she basically, tossed that information aside and just did what she wanted to with the kids all week.

Mom was also an amazing friend. She genuinely cared about the health and happiness of her friends above her own. She was just so supportive, and well meaning. Mom was an empath. I’ve been stuck by how many people have reached out to me these past few weeks to tell me how her kindness impacted them, people whose lives she was in forever, from old HS friends in Wantagh she hadn’t talked to in forever, to strangers who she met on social media who shared her love of animals.

On that note, Mom’s kindness and consideration was certainly not limited to the human realm. She truly loved all living creatures. The last few days she was with us, when I texted her, she’d basically only respond to photos of our family dog Stella. Even in a compromised state, something deep inside of her just couldn’t help but react to dog photos. It was just so sweet.

Now, most everyone who knew my Mother knows that she was a very unique personality and marched to the beat of her own drummer. She wasn’t without flaws. But, as she likely marked down in double underline in one of her Shakespearian textbooks, “to err is human, and to forgive divine”. Mom could be impetuous, obstinate, irrational and sometimes reckless. But her enthusiastic, endearing and loyal nature overrode everything.

On one of the last days I spent with Mom, we were in the hospital and she asked me how the boys were doing. I told her they were doing great. She kept asking me “How are they doing, how are the boys doing?” because she was struggling but fighting to prioritize the most important people in her life.

It so happened that there was a game of Ben’s team streaming that night, and she asked if we could watch it, even though Ben was injured and not playing. But it didn’t matter, she knew Ben was on the team and if it was important to him, it was vital to her. Even in her vulnerable state.

Well, it was a hell of a game. Ben’s team pulled it off against one of the top ranked teams in the country, winning 6–5. We both cheered loudly, probably a bit too loudly for the ER. It reminded me of the classic children’s book “The Giving Tree,” which she always read to me as a kid.

Her Grandson was happy.

I was happy.

So she was happy.

Mom meant the world to me. She gave me my values, showed me how to be kind to people, and how to laugh without a care. She taught me how to listen, and to respect everyone and everything. She showed me how to enjoy life to the fullest, and I know that rubbed off on everyone who interacted with her. I am the friend, husband and Father I am because of my Mother.

She was a light. She was a light.

Mom’s time on Earth is gone now.

But Mom, you gave us the stars.